The Downside of ePublishing

It must've been easier to be a writer when you weren't constantly plugged in to your numbers. I remember the good old days of stamps and envelopes and waiting in silence for so long that you forgot you even mailed something to a publisher. Of course those were also the days when you relied on a publisher or agent actually opening your envelope and giving it a fair chance. Those were also the days of high prices for self-publishing.
Right now Filter is lost in a sea of ebooks and I am fighting tooth and nail to get it noticed. That's why it's free right now at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/20957 At least if it's free people will read it and, I hope, enjoy it and leave a favorable review. I might have to wait until the next book to actually charge some minimal amount.
If writing does pan out I'm going to have to get a 9-5 which is NOT what I want. I've accepted my June Cleaver fate and I love being home to take care of my boys and shuffle them around. But I need my own home. My parents have been good enough to let us live with them for some time now while we get our degrees and establish our careers but I want my own home with my own decor and my own rules. I also need to get my broken tooth fixed. My Mac book attacked me. Broke my front tooth. And we're too poor to get it fixed.
I've spent the last week shamelessly self-promoting my book and I'm not very good at it. I don't want to just say, "Hi, buy my book." That's not me. I was never good at small talk. I like to be invested in people and hear their stories and know their thoughts. Problem is, that takes up a LOT of time. And that's time I should be spending working on Book Two and reading. I haven't had time for lazy days of reading because I'm busy peddling my free ebook. Ridiculous. And don't even get me started on Amazon. I've only sold two copies there because you can't find it. Everyday hundreds if not thousands of new ebooks are uploaded for the Kindle format. I'm only charging $2.99 and have only sold 2. That is not going to fix my tooth. At least I know at Smashwords people are downloading my ebook and I pray they are enjoying it. If they aren't I want to know why because I know I have a lot of growing to do as a writer. Sometimes I think I was a better writer back in high school before my adult ADHD kicked in  (I don't actually have ADHD, it's just called an overly busy life).
I need coffee.

Mathematical Setback

Blerg!

I had been following the Word document=>novel page conversion mentioned by an author on her page and it was wrong.

So instead of having 62 pages, I have 32.

Does it matter? Am I going by pages or story? Well story, yes. But I felt so triumphant to have crossed that 50 page point and it was a false victory.

Tragic.

Well, back to work. I obviously have much more to do.

Actually reading something would probably be a better remedy for the time being.

Gotta shake it off, ya know.

Blast it all.

Creative Laryngitis

The most difficult aspect of beginning to write again is admitting that you've lost your creative voice and accepting that you're going to have to write a lot of crap in order to get it back. There are days when I just shake my head and walk away from the computer and shut out all the voices in my head.

Who am I kidding? That I can write?

I ask myself these questions daily.

It's ridiculous, but I cling to my sister's high school speech teacher. When I was in 8th grade he read the beginning of one of my novels and was amazed by the strength of my written voice...

O, to be in 8th grade again!

I have never mourned my high school days, but when trying to play the part of a writer I do begin to long for those days with no responsibilities. All day could be spent reading and writing....

It is difficult as a wife and mother and student to find time for your imaginary world. It needs room to breathe, writers need room to daydream and wonder off in their thoughts.

Right now I am at school. As soon as I walked into the studio and flipped on the lights another student was behind me. And now more have followed. There is no solitude for my struggling voice this morning.

I'm beginning to miss my characters, having not written in two days now. Their voices and troubles are so strong in my thoughts. If that makes sense.

And again, I ask myself: Who am I kidding?

Indeed.